forgive me for my lack of words.

although i may be shouting to an empty hall,

it is hard to tell through wires and typing.

my head is jumbled up;

a shower is necessary to wipe out the fog

it was suicidally beautiful. it made you want to run off a cliff and dive into the ocean.

 watching them is a form of punishment and delight at the same time;

 a personal purgatory for the living.

tender rejoice at the emotional uprising.

 a quick momentary euphoria, 

covered by the poker face of a champion.

 wild on the inside, a funeral on the outside.

 dichotomous,

 the key to a split life.

 one of both pleasure and sorrow.

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and i could easily tell you what i'd like to be.

 starry-eyed girl-next-door.

 the one you wanna hold in the sun and watch her peaceful dreams.

 this girl seems to crumble before my eyes into a stubborn whirl-wind of dark matter.

 thrashing and punching the pillows and sheets.

 the only cure for the complete breakdown into chaos?

 your warm body around me, 

holding me close as my exorcism comes to a halt. 

you blow the demon out of my soul and i fall into bliss once more.

I have come to realize that my unique perception of the world around me is a gift,

 in the form of words unspoken.

 good nightmare, sweet child.

can we define originality?

 i am myself, 

yet my ideas and thoughts are ultimately influenced by others.

 can i claim anything as my own?

 perhaps a citation is necessary in my grocery list and thank you letters;

 a works cited page that could wrap around the equator thrice

 and still have room before bedtime.

 now is the ultimate quest to find the origin:

 the big bang of thought,

 of existence.

quality meanings within wishful hours spent. 

lazy.  meander along a winter day. 

no need to leave.

stay and sleep, 

wrap the warm around your body and remember the sun.

 a six month memory and future away.

a quiet moment is the perfect time. 

pack up your dreams and come to the Island.

 neverending joy, endless possibilities.

 take your ship of cloudy wonders into the atmosphere where every mouth full of oxygen is a breath of fresh air,

 coated in all your favorite memories.

 here is where good is created and explored. 

no need to go back home. 

no need.

in your absense, i find myself famished, craving your attention. how can i explain my desperate cries? i'm screaming at the top of my lungs but no sound is coming out. instead he is hearing wedding bells and children's laughter. he hears the waves of the ocean and success (which may not truly be there). is it bad that i take comfort in these fantasies of the future?

but as I sit here, I cannot fathom myself.

poetical?

intellectual?

No.

a casual drive-by obtained by the windows to the soul. 

pants glance.

 "eye fuck" might be the more appropriate term.

 because who doesn't love a little optical action?

 and besides,

 eyefucking isn't seen in the catagory of sluttishness. 

usually.

reality: the commonly agreed upon perception.

 let us all imagine a dinosaur in the center of the room. 

magic!

 perhaps power is within the mind after all.

 truth may be layered within the after-school specials urging sanity, world peace, and hygiene. 

but who are we to know what is right?

 I will take happiness over normality any day of the week. 

except mondays.

a consumer fetish, worship thy hummer and wii. get off on your shiny new toy. 

please yourself with designer shoes and the latest gadget. 

your iphone comes with a vibrate setting for a reason.

 the wealthy are having a massive orgy to the thought of  purchasing their heart's desires.

in other words,

 what they think are the necessities of life. 

my solution? 

abstain and have sex.

My head is filled with images of beauty and grace.

 Yet you picture something completely different.

 And that is exactly what makes it so beautiful.

twelve knights, all in a row. a chess game gone to Chaos.

 murder thy Queen, bound in a treaty of mutiny. 

disaster, ahoy! 

 festival of skulls and bones, jack sparrow without the censorship. 

hell on a checkered board. black and white, splattered with Red.

 my heart of stone, cracked on the floor.

 eat your heart out, tim burton.